Perhaps..

I search you,
to find you
And when I do find you
in the writings, 
I'm no where to be seen
As I'm drowned some where
in the ocean of words 
in your collections perhaps..
and I ask myself
Am I supposed to be here
or somewhere where, 
I don't get a trace of you.
My mind has its own theories,
I search myself in your words
and I hear a distant laugh
at our double, 
may be single blind quest
which leads to,
no where perhaps..
I'm fed up,
An emptiness prevails
and I embrace this darkness
forever, 
thanking it to hide me
from light, 
I just cannot face
Depression perhaps..
No, 
I'm sure
I love to be in this state
making me love dark even more
and I move inside myself
loving each piece of this pain
It remains forever, perhaps..